Life is really turning into death..

Today was not really fun at all, it hurts a lot. I really want to smile again.. would someone just please lend me enough strength to smile and laugh like I use to again, please anyone. But every time I cry out that sentence line. I always ended up crying more then I use to.. I don't know why I am suffering this much now. Is it because I was holding it in? or was I not open enough... I don't know.. but I am tired of my tears running down my cheeks everyday. I want to do something to make my family happy again, but I can't no more... I'm always in my room crying and telling myself that I am alone ... Why do I feel so lonely in my heart? Why is it feeling so hurt and sad lately? TELL ME WHY?! .. but no one could answer it. No one could find the right answer to it no more, I don't want to lie and say that it's the right answer anymore. I want to say that the things you told me isn't right, I am sorry. But everyone that was giving me an answer .. they were all wrong. I been feeling hurt since I was small, but I don't know how I could still stand up again, and smile. Now I don't know if I could stand up anymore, since my heart is hurting but not breaking down just yet.. I am scared, lonely... I don't want to think about death yet. I want to keep living until I meet my goal. I don't want to quit, but there is always something dragging me down. I am tired of it all.. but sooner or later, the darkness that was there will hopefully disappear. Until that day, I will still stand up no matter what. But how long can I keep doing that?..

==Lost so many... and still.. going...==