Hmmm...

Yes, today I am back to school again. With all the sick feeling out the way now, I am feeling a lot better then I use to. But yeah, sorry I was having a chest pain and it made me kind of hard to breath, I also had a fever after that. >.< . That sucks a lot. But yeah, oh and also when I went to the doctor right after I got home from school (went home early), my mom and me went to the doctor. It took forever to get in the clinic room. Since we have to wait outside sitting on the chair, for a long hecka time. But I am just going to skip to the part where it sucks. Okay, I was going to take my shot. Not my flu shot, but my medicine in the shot. -.- . The nurse was a few, but all the others nurse work there for a while and the new nurse just started working a few months ago. So yeah, the nurse that work there for a long time, she didn't take me a shot. She had to teach the new one, how to give me a shot correctly. She shot the 1st shot correctly, but the 2nd.... IT WASN'T!. Then later on in the day. It start to hurt really bad! It couldn't stop hurting, and I have tennis to go play. But I still went to play tennis. Then my arm hurted even more after that. It hurt so bad I don't want to go to school, and it hurt so BAD! that I can't even write correctly or hold anything, since it all seems HEAVY. So yep. My 2nd shot was horrible! VERY HORRIBLE!. But well I could still type (duh!) but can't move around much with it. Oh it's my right arm that I WRITE! with... >.< . So yeah weekend BAD! this week starting off...BUSY!! =,= but its fun today, feeling better all the way.. sort of and making people happy :D well thats all LATER!!! (:

Everyday in life...

More and more in my life, that I know that a lot of people will disappear out from my life. It really sucks knowing that I can't smile like I always do when I was a baby. Crying for no reason. It really sucks.. I know my life isn't worst then others. But I just can't stand it. "It really hurts really bad!!" that's what I always been saying to myself. I keep yelling out my mom for help, I always say "mom!! it hurts really bad! please help me get rid of this pain!" I cry to myself saying those quotes to myself. I don't want this, even my cousin he change so badly that I can't recognize him anymore. I don't want to loose him either. Everyone that use to be so important to me, is going further away from me. "Why?" the answer that always pops up. More and more that I want to keep a journal beside me and write everything down, that is happening to my life. But every time I try to, I can't. I can't pick up the pencil and write my thoughts. It hurt so bad that I just forget about writing it down, and just hold it in and type every thing here. Does anyone see the pain I am in? really anyone?... please.. I know that not many people have the same exact problem I am having. But well at least they understand.. but do they understand it clearly?.. Later on in life I figured when I take down another road, it will be easier, but it wasn't it was harder. I said to myself so many times that, I will never see anyone that I love past away in front of me. But look where I am at now. Death is every where in front of me. Why?! I don't want to see it anymore. But when I tell someone this, they don't care. They won't listen, it hurt so bad enough. Why can't I just die, I know they wouldn't care a bit. Knowing the people that were very close to me, and when they are in trouble I am always there. But when I need something, they are not there. It hurts... really bad. The tears I am crying mean nothing to anyone. Every tear I shed resemble something. But every time I cry, all they tell me is "stop crying" ;"aww don't cry" , I heard that enough. No one would understand. I try explaining, but all I get back is. They understand. But do they really understand though?. I don't want to do anything no more. I try everything to get me busy and join a lot of clubs, so I could get away from these thoughts. But I end up thinking about it more. I really want to do everything on my own. Everything... I don't want a hand.. when I do they always let go at the end. No one can't hold on to me forever.

Death...

Today isn't a fun day at all... or any other day that is... I can't stand smiling no more... I just can't!!!
I don't want to be emo either, but there is a problem with me avoiding the stuff that can't be avoided. But everyday I see another person dieing. Then another.. and also my dogs.. they were the only best friends I had that never had problems with.. except the time they were trying to eat my food >.<... but well I love all those memories.. but why is it me... losing my friends and all my old friends is gone.. they don't even talk to me.. they avoid me.. what did I do wrong to them?.. some friends I just know don't even want to talk to me no more they ignore me.. I am hurt enough to see that already..but I know they don't care so why bother... later on in my life more things died infront of me.. why is it that I have to see so many people die?! ... this suck really bad... I can't hold it in.... even my friends aka close friends are also avoiding me and not even talking to me... I don't want to say their name... but I know who I am talking about.. so at school isn't fun either... no where is fun anymore.... my best friend .. she is doing great to no problems... but we don't talk much like we use to ... there is also my other friend who is very crazy and love to call her self a heo (Vietnamese meaning : pig) she is also having problems and I can't do anything about that.... it hurts really bad... but ... I am having problems myself, why am I trying to help others when I can't solve my problems?! I told myself that so many times.. but I still like to know what happen at least I could help them on something... Now I am thinking negative.... will my parents die to? ... I can't stop this!!!! why is it me... that have to see all of this... why?... but haha... i still spread laughter to kids and to my friends and others when they are down... especially those cancer,diabetes, and more illnesses from little kids.... it's sad that they can't live their life to the fullest like we do... it's really sad to see that... but they are still trying so hard to fight it.... I don't know why I am sad... since they are still standing strong.. but not how they wanted to be... but they are still standing.... I think I am sad because I can't do anything... except go to their hospital and just play with them..... to those who are reading this you may think bad stuff about me, think about hate towards me, or even dislike me... I know that even if you do that whats the point? so go on and hate/dislike me I don't care anymore .. unlike you I still do something in my life that I won't regret doing, and spreading things that feel uncomfortable around you.


Well I decided that my dream is to be like what my big brother is, a medical scientist doctor. He find out cures for cancer kids and other illnesses. He is always doing a good deed ... I always wish to be like him... but... hey this is where I have to try to reach where I want to be right?... so when Christmas comes I will follow my brother to got to Saint Jews hospital to give gifts to them on Christmas to tell them to keep fighting it... and don't loose faith on your courage... I will go with my brother I don't know how much money I will be wasting but I don't care.. as long as I see a smile on those kids faces...


No matter what I will do a good deed, but I know that most people think of me in an evil way... okay I am ... but I know somethings I will never show them the way to a good heart is... so while everyone is having a good time I have been going to hospitals to see cancer kids with my brother... it isn't very happy to see.. but it is very... encouraging to know that they are still trying...I will post of the pictures to all the hospitals I've gone through later.. since I always forgot to bring my camera.

Really?!

SERIOUSLY?!



Do you every think of something a that cause such a big eruption?

Well I am just here to talk about that today for me is okay. A little exciting. :D