Lost so many....

Today wasn't that fun no more ... since my pet hamster died today. I lost so many pets already.. my dog,my puppy,my hamster, and my fish. Each time I have a pet, they either died,ran away, or been given away. I really don't know why but, all this time during summer .. my heart been hurting. It's like a feeling of sadness and darkness. I can't really describe how it really is but, it hurts a lot, and when I think about it, it will bring tears through my eyes. When I have that feeling, it won't go away until I cry till the very end. I really want to stop the sadness that I had inside,but.. I can't. So I kept trying to force a smile when that happens, or try to forget about it. Really everytime this happens its like it won't ever stop for anything. The more I cry , the more I feel something that is about to happen. I have been suffering a lot lately, but nobody notice it. Since I always do something to not make it so obvious. It sucks crying alone with no one to hold me and say.. "don't worry it's going to be okay" I want to hear those words from my family and friends. I been hurting so much, that I have to hold it in all the time. I tried not to think about it so much, but it's still there. Some of my friends think they know that I am not hurt, and say that "I am not really good at hiding it". Well to be honest I am good at hiding it, I just don't want to admit the truth and just tell you "you know me so well" and that's about it. No one can really tell when I am sad or not, since I am still alone. Laying on my bed, crying out what hurts inside. There is nobody who could understand that feeling that I had, but they can tell me the similar feelings that are close to it. But there is no feeling that will hit my exact feeling.. but I am glad that there is no one who know how I really am. But at the same time it's hard..

Today was a memory to all my pets.

R.I.P

love you all... I will never forget you.