My heart is now broken and lost....

Everyday and every time... no one seems to see that I am no longer happy.. I am not the same no more.... no one knows... I feel hurt,scared,confused... I don't want to be ... I try so hard to smile and be happy and act like nothing is wrong... but I guess this time I fall down deeper then I suppose to ... my brother is going crazy, no longer the person that holds my smile... and everyone else is no longer .... longer.... the people I want to see and make my smile come back again... I am really hurt right now.. everything and everyone around me is like drama all over again in my life... I... I... don't know what to do.... no matter what I do .. to keep up what I am trying to keep... I end up being broken... the sadness... is coming back... BUT THESE TEARS!!! WHY ARE THEY HERE !!! I DON'T WANT TO CRY !!! I DON'T WANT TO !!! PLEASE!!please.... everyone always think they have more drama to face then I do... the things about school,relationships... well I have many more.... a sickness that will never go away... and can never eat like I use to... and I can no longer see the things I use to see... my family is breaking apart 1 by 1... and I can't stand it any longer!!! I want to cry so bad!!! I REALLY DO!!!! PLEASE!!!! ANYONE!!! but well... I just want to talk to my family how bad I have been hurt and how badly I have to see all this when I am still a kid like THIS!!! ... I am more hurt then anyone right now... to see my dad sad because of a pop up in Vietnam.. to see my mom sad because of my brother... and my brother...mad.... the more I see the more I want to just .... forget about my memories everything!!! I want the times my family smiled and tell each other they will never be like they are now!!! I want them to share laughter instead of shouts.... I .... I.... just can't take this anymore!!!


my heart... my brain...everything....