Death...

Today isn't a fun day at all... or any other day that is... I can't stand smiling no more... I just can't!!!
I don't want to be emo either, but there is a problem with me avoiding the stuff that can't be avoided. But everyday I see another person dieing. Then another.. and also my dogs.. they were the only best friends I had that never had problems with.. except the time they were trying to eat my food >.<... but well I love all those memories.. but why is it me... losing my friends and all my old friends is gone.. they don't even talk to me.. they avoid me.. what did I do wrong to them?.. some friends I just know don't even want to talk to me no more they ignore me.. I am hurt enough to see that already..but I know they don't care so why bother... later on in my life more things died infront of me.. why is it that I have to see so many people die?! ... this suck really bad... I can't hold it in.... even my friends aka close friends are also avoiding me and not even talking to me... I don't want to say their name... but I know who I am talking about.. so at school isn't fun either... no where is fun anymore.... my best friend .. she is doing great to no problems... but we don't talk much like we use to ... there is also my other friend who is very crazy and love to call her self a heo (Vietnamese meaning : pig) she is also having problems and I can't do anything about that.... it hurts really bad... but ... I am having problems myself, why am I trying to help others when I can't solve my problems?! I told myself that so many times.. but I still like to know what happen at least I could help them on something... Now I am thinking negative.... will my parents die to? ... I can't stop this!!!! why is it me... that have to see all of this... why?... but haha... i still spread laughter to kids and to my friends and others when they are down... especially those cancer,diabetes, and more illnesses from little kids.... it's sad that they can't live their life to the fullest like we do... it's really sad to see that... but they are still trying so hard to fight it.... I don't know why I am sad... since they are still standing strong.. but not how they wanted to be... but they are still standing.... I think I am sad because I can't do anything... except go to their hospital and just play with them..... to those who are reading this you may think bad stuff about me, think about hate towards me, or even dislike me... I know that even if you do that whats the point? so go on and hate/dislike me I don't care anymore .. unlike you I still do something in my life that I won't regret doing, and spreading things that feel uncomfortable around you.


Well I decided that my dream is to be like what my big brother is, a medical scientist doctor. He find out cures for cancer kids and other illnesses. He is always doing a good deed ... I always wish to be like him... but... hey this is where I have to try to reach where I want to be right?... so when Christmas comes I will follow my brother to got to Saint Jews hospital to give gifts to them on Christmas to tell them to keep fighting it... and don't loose faith on your courage... I will go with my brother I don't know how much money I will be wasting but I don't care.. as long as I see a smile on those kids faces...


No matter what I will do a good deed, but I know that most people think of me in an evil way... okay I am ... but I know somethings I will never show them the way to a good heart is... so while everyone is having a good time I have been going to hospitals to see cancer kids with my brother... it isn't very happy to see.. but it is very... encouraging to know that they are still trying...I will post of the pictures to all the hospitals I've gone through later.. since I always forgot to bring my camera.